replace the word God with Universe
now you believe in God (the Universe)
and now you're doing the Godly things (Universal things)
so much, all the time
now what
10.28.2011
relax and try to concentrate
remember those hills? focus on the un-visible patterns
and undulate
why cant adults use their imaginations?
and is this a problem
back up in that bacchanalia
discern without deciding
delineate from within the withered
revealed: a flaccid complex i just dont have time for right now
recidivist bitch, recalcitrant cunt
the source of rage is the inability to/lack of control
there has to be a rule
if there isnt one, make on up
there has to be a better way.
on your way up
dont forget me
etch my likeness onto the foot of your dull grave
carve a stick figure caricature of me into your costco coffin
and just
relax
remember those hills? focus on the un-visible patterns
and undulate
why cant adults use their imaginations?
and is this a problem
back up in that bacchanalia
discern without deciding
delineate from within the withered
revealed: a flaccid complex i just dont have time for right now
recidivist bitch, recalcitrant cunt
the source of rage is the inability to/lack of control
there has to be a rule
if there isnt one, make on up
there has to be a better way.
on your way up
dont forget me
etch my likeness onto the foot of your dull grave
carve a stick figure caricature of me into your costco coffin
and just
relax
So many times I couldnt see the good in this wonderful world
its shameful to admit
but theres today, and tomorrow
and thats not just something. its everything
whatever you deserve, its yours without exception
One day this will all make sense
and we will collapse and weep at the absolute and ultimate beauty of it all
but for now, were all confined to scanning a finite space
thinking one thought at a time
not knowing each other
a test for souls like ours, but not an impossible one
have faith and hope for the best
thats all you can really do in bodies with minds
but its not so bad
if you dont forget to look for the good
its shameful to admit
but theres today, and tomorrow
and thats not just something. its everything
whatever you deserve, its yours without exception
One day this will all make sense
and we will collapse and weep at the absolute and ultimate beauty of it all
but for now, were all confined to scanning a finite space
thinking one thought at a time
not knowing each other
a test for souls like ours, but not an impossible one
have faith and hope for the best
thats all you can really do in bodies with minds
but its not so bad
if you dont forget to look for the good
am i vibrating?
ive swam before
ive stood underneath the sun and roared
and ive sworn id never give up again
but i was young
and didnt understand
that as you age, things just keep getting taken from you
and taken
until theres nothing left
ive stood underneath the sun and roared
and ive sworn id never give up again
but i was young
and didnt understand
that as you age, things just keep getting taken from you
and taken
until theres nothing left
9.25.2011
Access Your Soul
and melt this shitty world
Join me in the realm of the Real
Detach via unselfishness
It's so clean here, can you imagine
I'm not my body and neither are you and thats why I love you so much.
Who could love a body? What a way to go. Lusting after abdomens and thoraxes. You goon. There's so much more to spoon.
Disengage from your appetite and fast
and melt this shitty world
Join me in the realm of the Real
Detach via unselfishness
It's so clean here, can you imagine
I'm not my body and neither are you and thats why I love you so much.
Who could love a body? What a way to go. Lusting after abdomens and thoraxes. You goon. There's so much more to spoon.
Disengage from your appetite and fast
18/f/ca
keep leaving, again
And again
always returning, expanding
cake batter taste, like its bad for you--i know
raw eggs, salmonella. ill touch a lizard anyway
i dont care about feeling bad
its easy to miss things, to long for people, but thats not the point
that sense of emptiness, of loss, its some Thing trying to communicate with you
a little probe, reminding you to find something
but that something isnt necessarily, no its probably not at all what you think you miss
what kind of guilt do you avoid the most? start there
that's the 'x'
its easy to be afraid of yourself and its easy to make a sweetheart's deal with your ego and just avoid the pain of any given thing.
its easy to atrophy and its easy to die.
but i dont want to die. i want to live and now i know how. i want to thrive and grow and sprout these Amazing Physical Wings, and i want to just Be and try so hard. And i want to be everything i used to dream i wanted to be this very instant and each consecutive instant, moment after ever crucial moment, being mindful of this thing i have and to which i belong.
to pursue a certain sense of calm rage, an inextinguishable Passion--one i can control or choose not to. a light that never goes out, a tiny tornado i keep in my closet and let out when its been on its best behavior
im not my body and i dont want to be. ive a got a soul God dammit and ive never been this real.
And again
And again
always returning, expanding
cake batter taste, like its bad for you--i know
raw eggs, salmonella. ill touch a lizard anyway
i dont care about feeling bad
its easy to miss things, to long for people, but thats not the point
that sense of emptiness, of loss, its some Thing trying to communicate with you
a little probe, reminding you to find something
but that something isnt necessarily, no its probably not at all what you think you miss
what kind of guilt do you avoid the most? start there
that's the 'x'
its easy to be afraid of yourself and its easy to make a sweetheart's deal with your ego and just avoid the pain of any given thing.
its easy to atrophy and its easy to die.
but i dont want to die. i want to live and now i know how. i want to thrive and grow and sprout these Amazing Physical Wings, and i want to just Be and try so hard. And i want to be everything i used to dream i wanted to be this very instant and each consecutive instant, moment after ever crucial moment, being mindful of this thing i have and to which i belong.
to pursue a certain sense of calm rage, an inextinguishable Passion--one i can control or choose not to. a light that never goes out, a tiny tornado i keep in my closet and let out when its been on its best behavior
im not my body and i dont want to be. ive a got a soul God dammit and ive never been this real.
And again
9.13.2011
8.20.2011
elucidation, eluded
what a stupid thing
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face
faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont
i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but
hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else
and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that
......
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face
faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont
i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but
hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else
and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that
......
8.19.2011
soothe, saying
a mirror appears, in which all projections are appropriately redirected to the sourceyou can't have this divorce
the one you really want
Maybe--once we accept that life is painful, we may transcend the difficulty
It is simply no longer relevant
Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom
Indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom
It is largely because of pain that we grow mentally and spiritually?
The tendency to avoid pain and conflict is the basis for all mental illness
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering
the one you really want
Maybe--once we accept that life is painful, we may transcend the difficulty
It is simply no longer relevant
Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom
Indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom
It is largely because of pain that we grow mentally and spiritually?
The tendency to avoid pain and conflict is the basis for all mental illness
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering
Death; and the Re-Birth of such an idea
Heaven is my Jazz / Redeemer, Please forgive me
I've made so many Weird Mistakes / It hardly seems in keeping
With the kind of stuff / I used to fluff
The way I used to wobble / I never even knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
I've made so many Weird Mistakes / It hardly seems in keeping
With the kind of stuff / I used to fluff
The way I used to wobble / I never even knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
crum bumpular, stacks
it couldnt have been avoided
its the kind of thing that couldnt have been avoided
girl, you know
nothing ever works
dont forget how good our skin looked
never the sort of thing youd actually say
but still
im not worried about Those Other Guys
im not in the least bit concerned about whats going on down the street after dark
you cant just go around doing things you know youll be ashamed of later
ask me later and ill know why
right now, i dont know why
cover your ears. those big mitts oughta do
youve got some sort of job to do, just try and remember what it is
everyone does all these things
all the things there are to do, we all do them with varying degrees of whatever you like
you could take solace in that, if you wanted
for the record, ive never been addicted to anything
except everything, all at once all at the same time
in a big crescendo of Pretend
its never going to be like that again, but so what who cares whats the big idea
"ill never be young again ill never be young" nevermind
so how do i stay so slim?
i dont desire, i dont crave
i dont open my eyes or hear the news or smell the papers or the flowers or the paper flowers
i just sit here and i just wait for something, just something, and its always just worked out pretty well so i just dont see what the problem is......................
its the kind of thing that couldnt have been avoided
girl, you know
nothing ever works
dont forget how good our skin looked
never the sort of thing youd actually say
but still
im not worried about Those Other Guys
im not in the least bit concerned about whats going on down the street after dark
you cant just go around doing things you know youll be ashamed of later
ask me later and ill know why
right now, i dont know why
cover your ears. those big mitts oughta do
youve got some sort of job to do, just try and remember what it is
everyone does all these things
all the things there are to do, we all do them with varying degrees of whatever you like
you could take solace in that, if you wanted
for the record, ive never been addicted to anything
except everything, all at once all at the same time
in a big crescendo of Pretend
its never going to be like that again, but so what who cares whats the big idea
"ill never be young again ill never be young" nevermind
so how do i stay so slim?
i dont desire, i dont crave
i dont open my eyes or hear the news or smell the papers or the flowers or the paper flowers
i just sit here and i just wait for something, just something, and its always just worked out pretty well so i just dont see what the problem is......................
5.10.2011
3.07.2011
where are all the rats tonight
where do they go when they are unseen
are they safe
as the their host
are we setting a good example for them
take care of all the little furry ones
they are our true legacy
do they ache for a golden beam of light
a true gospel
and a brand new sound
or just a piece of cheese and a warm place to sleep
rats have feelings too
the rat messiah appears
to redeem the faithful
no humans allowed
its alright, we've been passed over before
and will be again, and again
for now, the chosen rodents have their day
the meek shall inheit the earth
we will all get what we deserve
where do they go when they are unseen
are they safe
as the their host
are we setting a good example for them
take care of all the little furry ones
they are our true legacy
do they ache for a golden beam of light
a true gospel
and a brand new sound
or just a piece of cheese and a warm place to sleep
rats have feelings too
the rat messiah appears
to redeem the faithful
no humans allowed
its alright, we've been passed over before
and will be again, and again
for now, the chosen rodents have their day
the meek shall inheit the earth
we will all get what we deserve
3.05.2011
Terrified/Overjoyed
it's been years and years
You too can feel beautiful
it doesn't have to be real
Wincing/Arms-Extended
relapse into past patterns
You don't have to learn from your mistakes
if you don't want to
Trembling/Throbbing
in joyous rapture
You've felt this way before
even if you can't remember it
Submerged/Peaking
this can all be yours
You're all you've ever needed
release your favorite part of your soul
and learn to love yourself in spite of your humanity
it's been years and years
You too can feel beautiful
it doesn't have to be real
Wincing/Arms-Extended
relapse into past patterns
You don't have to learn from your mistakes
if you don't want to
Trembling/Throbbing
in joyous rapture
You've felt this way before
even if you can't remember it
Submerged/Peaking
this can all be yours
You're all you've ever needed
release your favorite part of your soul
and learn to love yourself in spite of your humanity
2.25.2011
Picture me
fading
one day at a time one day at a time one day at a time
what happens when you dont want to
what happens when you dont want to
this degree of depression
is not a sustainable business model
my mental going out of business sale
picture something that makes you smile
the implication being that you are forced to smile
you dont have to smile if you dont want to
you dont have to do anything if you dont want to
you can curl up in a ball on the street and die
if you want to
thats the kind of thing we pay taxes to have the freedom to do
2.22.2011
a rhyming poem:
conceited meat
concedes defeat
whatever it sees it wants
to eat
to fry and mash and tear to shreds
or smash to smithereens instead
while pushing aside a subtle dread
that this tortured flesh is tasteless
a fitting end for the mute that trot
divide the spoils before they rot
ingest the flesh right on the spot
cant see no reason not to
(even if we didn't, we'd still want to)
- Oprah
conceited meat
concedes defeat
whatever it sees it wants
to eat
to fry and mash and tear to shreds
or smash to smithereens instead
while pushing aside a subtle dread
that this tortured flesh is tasteless
a fitting end for the mute that trot
divide the spoils before they rot
ingest the flesh right on the spot
cant see no reason not to
(even if we didn't, we'd still want to)
- Oprah
2.17.2011
a series of clenches/releases
an anthology of commonplace mistakes being made for no reason in particular
another organism taking up space in style
learning to love yourself in the worst of all possible worlds
truth and the pain inherent
where im from, there is no such thing
in my foxhole there are no flashing lights
no car horns, no moving images on screens, no sales pitches
only fur covered bodies huddled together for warmth
half truths and considerate lies
where i go at night, we spend our evenings in silence
concerning ourselves mostly with ritual groomings, conserving energy
temporarily afforded the luxury of stillness
a warm moist musk hangs thick in the air
im not sure if i actually have any friends
but in my den
we lick each others wounds
all the while no words pass our lips
our bond is eternal
we poop in the corner, no plumbing necessary
one day, i will get hit by a car
or die of cancer
but ive seen my brothers and sisters ripped to pieces
one day i will be too
and im pretty much fine with that
an anthology of commonplace mistakes being made for no reason in particular
another organism taking up space in style
learning to love yourself in the worst of all possible worlds
truth and the pain inherent
where im from, there is no such thing
in my foxhole there are no flashing lights
no car horns, no moving images on screens, no sales pitches
only fur covered bodies huddled together for warmth
half truths and considerate lies
where i go at night, we spend our evenings in silence
concerning ourselves mostly with ritual groomings, conserving energy
temporarily afforded the luxury of stillness
a warm moist musk hangs thick in the air
im not sure if i actually have any friends
but in my den
we lick each others wounds
all the while no words pass our lips
our bond is eternal
we poop in the corner, no plumbing necessary
one day, i will get hit by a car
or die of cancer
but ive seen my brothers and sisters ripped to pieces
one day i will be too
and im pretty much fine with that
2.08.2011
i uploaded a photo of myself and
several of my friends commented on how beautiful i am
"b a b e"
"so cute"
"gorgeous!!"
and i felt fulfilled
i went through the rest of my day feeling satisfied
why not?
More Globules by Spooky Cheddar
several of my friends commented on how beautiful i am
"b a b e"
"so cute"
"gorgeous!!"
and i felt fulfilled
i went through the rest of my day feeling satisfied
why not?
More Globules by Spooky Cheddar
1.30.2011
and then theres regret
always regret...
and longing
and lonliness and
you didnt have to kill art, or feminism, or love or any other idea you idealize and hold dear and think is important, that makes living consciously not a pointless exercise in exposure to needlessly dull pain and suffocating boredom
they did it to you
and by they i mean us
and by us i mean you
everytime you watch a commercial, you die a thousand deaths and live to die again
your american dream is the worlds nightmare.
truth be told, however, no one wants anything to do with anything that even resembles the truth
truth is, things dont have to work out. there doesnt have to be a god. you dont have to fall in love. and if there is and you did, it doesnt have to bear any significance. these are *facts*. this is the truth. seems like the kind of thing reasonable people would choose to avoid at all cost. the kind of thing those reasonable people would falsely identify as pessimism. but if you have to think what you dont like is bad and what is bad is inherently evil and untrue to keep yourself together, so be it. its as good a way through as any.
so you settle. so what. theres nothing wrong with that.
considering your spirit has been mashed into mush, beaten into submission by a powerful system whose only goal is to convert you into an insatiable consuming machine, to dissassociate you from your true self, to teach you that the only feelings worth recognizing are desire and dissatisfaction with not having what you want at any given moment.
but theres a way out.
i hope.
i trust that there is in spite of the reality that there doesnt *have* to be.
"Reason only compounds our suffering by allowing us to realize that biology's agenda is not something we would have chosen had we been given a choice, but it is ultimately helpless to prevent us from serving it or to free us from the sting of its goad." - Wikipedia
always regret...
and longing
and lonliness and
you didnt have to kill art, or feminism, or love or any other idea you idealize and hold dear and think is important, that makes living consciously not a pointless exercise in exposure to needlessly dull pain and suffocating boredom
they did it to you
and by they i mean us
and by us i mean you
everytime you watch a commercial, you die a thousand deaths and live to die again
your american dream is the worlds nightmare.
truth be told, however, no one wants anything to do with anything that even resembles the truth
truth is, things dont have to work out. there doesnt have to be a god. you dont have to fall in love. and if there is and you did, it doesnt have to bear any significance. these are *facts*. this is the truth. seems like the kind of thing reasonable people would choose to avoid at all cost. the kind of thing those reasonable people would falsely identify as pessimism. but if you have to think what you dont like is bad and what is bad is inherently evil and untrue to keep yourself together, so be it. its as good a way through as any.
so you settle. so what. theres nothing wrong with that.
considering your spirit has been mashed into mush, beaten into submission by a powerful system whose only goal is to convert you into an insatiable consuming machine, to dissassociate you from your true self, to teach you that the only feelings worth recognizing are desire and dissatisfaction with not having what you want at any given moment.
but theres a way out.
i hope.
i trust that there is in spite of the reality that there doesnt *have* to be.
"Reason only compounds our suffering by allowing us to realize that biology's agenda is not something we would have chosen had we been given a choice, but it is ultimately helpless to prevent us from serving it or to free us from the sting of its goad." - Wikipedia
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