deification is defecation

i don't need heroesi dont need to be led and i don't need to use the term
'genius'

and he was right. it was the truth.
whose truth?
the truth
there is such a thing, and it can be realized

"the life not lived in not worth living" - some guy

he was right. and that's the truth. but what he meant is often misconstrued.
living isn't wringing every ounce of physical and emotional sensation out of the circumstances you find yourself in 'because every moment could be your last'
it's something else

"realizing that 'everything is bullshit' is not true enlightenment but if it helps you in deciding what you are going to do to be the change you seek, it's a good start." - another guy (not a hero or genius)

saved

faux-misogynistic musings vol. 1

that jinkety jankass

junkyard skankass

was skankening

for a prude

awankening



hankering

for a stank spankening

cantankering

and bankening

on a frank prison yard

shankening


im fine im fine im fine just fine


i shiver like a milkshake
quivering in my boots
my socks are wet
my feet are cold
my brain is in cahoots
with some loser's inner demons
the ghosts that hurt the most
the kind that make you want to cry
tears made out of goats

rad pacifier stains


dear dentist,

i think i am
(i might be)
dissolving
(is this how that feels?)
and its (occasionally) overwhelming
(what's overwhelming?
..oh. nothing, really.)

dearest patient,

after a thorough analysis
my worst suspicion has been confirmed
you are drowning in brown
you really should take better care of yourself
for your mothers sake at the very least

dear dentist,

i regret to inform you that i will be leaving town
(for a while)
ive never had the stomach for
this sort of thing
my body is a third wheel
that my brain has been drunk behind
far too many times

this vessel is my own personal
physical manifestation
of an ungrateful stepchild
and i am afraid it has left me no choice
but to take it out behind the proverbial tool shed
and beat it to within an inch of its proverbial life

as the old proverb says
it cannot be stated with any degree of certainty
that i will come back in one piece
but if i do not i can assure you
those will be the pieces
that mattered most

dearest patient,

i am not familiar with this subject matter
but its a big world out there
i can tell you that i have found from my own experience that
things can be quite sticky
but sticky things are often sweet
sometimes the stickiness is the material used to pave roads
my point is
youve got to do what youve got to do
send me a postcard, wont you?
i am a very busy man

toodles

dear dentist,

i am not the kind of person
who can easily smile when their heart is breaking
or can give a wink and a nod
when their hands are shaking
but who knows
maybe i am
and maybe
i can

i had a dream
that i vanished
and in that moment i was absolved
of that fact that i had achieved the completely unique feat
of being absolutely unloved by anyone
and in turn, having loved pretty much everyone
(so f-ing hard)

im sure there is some significance behind this
but i am also a very busy man
the pizza hut lunch buffet ends in two hours
and jeopardy comes on at 3:30

good luck with your boys
from what i hear they are excellent basketball players
and your wife
hot damn
those moves were cold
you are the reason
america looks so good

dearest patient,

you leave my wife out of this
tonight, the gloves come off
im going to clean up your act

in conclusion and in summary,
although we agree upon the indisputable fact that
ronald reagan was our greatest president
i must ask you to please
never write me (or my family) again

we are but simple folk
who live off the land
we have been fortunate enough to benefit from
the milk and honey of the mouths of human kindness
and have done you no visible harm
your scars are emotional
and my hands are so clean

leave us in peace
in the name of jesus christ we pray
oh man

dear dentist,

your cowardice is a betrayal of the human spirit
i will not be attending any of the your sons
future basketball games
and your wifes gallery exhibition?
forget about it
you blew it hot shot
you had the queen over for dinner
and you shit in her cereal

goodbye forever
your once and future girlfriend,
jamal

*********************************************************************
Review Questions:

What was the name of the dentist's wife?

What color was the lip gloss Jamal gingerly applied while composing his final letter?

Quantify this poem is a numerical statement?

If this poem were a race, who would win? What color would their skin be?

Extra Credit:

Rewrite this poem in your own words. Your own word is 'haug' and must compose 75% of the final composition.

zebra stripes, down the pipes

when I wake
and the sheets are damp with
liquid shame
(the good kind or the bad)
I'm reminded of what Dr. Martin Luther King
Junior once said
I just can't remember it
at the moment
It probably wasn't very
important


a poem called ’no one reads these things’ - a clarification for those who are reading it
iggum criggums
ill never be good at anything
thats worth anything

shnam bazzups
this chronic pain will get worse and worse
my hairline will recede into the sea

snerp cruzzums
when i was eleven years old, i figured out that life is a dumb joke
told by an idiot
the trick is not to try not to care

smile while your heart is breaking
that sort of thing

crollop trazzbot
shnuffle tanjendo
i mean transjendo

fuck



untitled

The newest tunes zap the boons and zoons

Goons zoom through tiny toons into my freshly clean wombed

That fetus was doomed. boom




The Time Has Passed
For Smoking Grass
And Wasting Time with Feelings
Emotions are for Losers
And Cuddling is for Demons
The Specter of Reality
Haunts Your Homely Fixins
Shopping is for 'Corporate Ghosts'
But Whining is for Victims


untitled #2

pulsating violence penetrates

your brain

like a thick skull fuck in the butt



the orgasmic dolphin


the orgasmic dolphin rides again

swifter than the sword or pen

he speaks no words

just fun with girls

and all his dolphin friends

some dudes id

whether my desperate theatrics amuse you or not is beside the point
i am undistinguished and it's tearing me apart inside

accolade me, someone, please
i dare not dream of a world in which i am underappreciated

bestow upon me thine highest honors
emeritize my ass
i've got what it takes
if you're so smart, why don't you know that already

what i'm saying is, the trick to getting older is realizing you're not special
and thriving in this newfound state of obscure mediocrity
but here's the thing
i am totally special
and i deserve all the nice things

so gimme gimme gimme
forever

more advice

it's ok to enjoy being miserable, it's a form of 'enlightened self-interest'
just make sure you take breaks and drink plenty of water
and don't tell anyone. ever.

advice

The universe is indifferent. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell something. Don't be deceived. Take pills if you feel the need, sleep as much as you can. Don't let well-bred people with strong presences and firm handshakes get you down. Live an active inner-life. Don't feel as if you need to 'express yourself', that's a dead-end (you'll have to trust me on that one). As you age, consider adopting a protein-rich diet. Other people are overrated. Trust your intuition when it tells you that you are the only person that truly matters, but you don't matter all that much. Apathy will save your soul when nothing else can. Apathy will protect you from the those vicious little feelings that flail around and cause you pain when you don't have an outlet for useless emotions. Try to be as cool as you can. It's the only way to go.

paternity suite

was that your dad out on the lawn last night, wailing in tongues
castrating the family dog
tantalizing the family lawn mower
or was it mine?

Dads are: one and the same
"my father is your father"
as yours is mine (this is a lesson i learned in school)
from boyfriendless women
and fatherless shrews

you know, i must take this opportunity to say that i have always admired your mother
i feel that since you and i have both come of age we can talk about these things
she has always struck me as a proud trophy of a horse
a stern peak of dignity in a sterile container
beauty in a 3 bedroom/2 bath
a matriarch for the ages

i'll admit, i've snuck a whiff or two
i hope it doesn't shock you terribly
you see, she enchants me quite thoroughly
that dame, she's alright
i'd like to take her to a fine italian restaurant, perhaps a few towns over, for some eggplant parmesan and a reasonable merlot
your dad is not invited, F.Y.I.
he just wouldn't get it

San Fernando Valley, CA.
Tuesday, 11:22 P.M.

our girl, she's a true party favor
a sassy diva, a confident and outgoing modern woman
slightly sophisticated, with ideas of her own

'go on, get wet' someone told her once, in so many words
be true 2 yourself
but also, don't forget to b yourself
re-evaluate your status
almost constantly, check for errors
folk wisdom suggests most wise folks adhere to such standards
folksiness will get you everywhere in your later years, she assumed

her night had not gone as expected. tore up from the floor up, a wasted crust of a stump, her mouth ached with the salty burns. she tasted for a flavor. (there were none currently available.) 'well, shit', she exclaimed. then she remembered something, a promise she had made to herself long ago--

live your life to the fullest
live every moment like it were your last
'cause it just might be

having not the slightest notion of how to maximize her pleasure capacity at each and every present instant, she resigned herself to alcoholism.

potential opportunities

You see that junk over there
it's all junk
you don't want it
true desire is aroused by this fine specimen
with several distinct odors and flavors
make you so happy
(partially made of gold*)
Don't underestimate that kind of privilege.
you could be one of the people that actually matter

I was once like you. Then I found it. Now I'm like me. That speaks volumes about your potential.

In things, I am

In things I am, and am not, because I lack and desire and feel the kind of urges I couldn't fully explain until recently. In time I was, and wasn't, because either I couldn't remember what my place was in it or wasn't doing anything particularly remarkable and may as well not have been anyplace at all.

In time, I am, and have always been, even if I was relatively insignificant. But I was here, and still am and I still remember some of the smallest details with the complete lucidity of someone who was totally interested. I could speak of instances in waiting rooms as a kid or inconsequential car rides with the utmost precision, yet couldn't recall the majority of my most joyful moments, or the seeming profundity of my most miserable hours.

In time, such acute sensations have faded. I too have faded, only to be rejuvenated (perhaps too strong a word), undeniably changed. I have experienced the pleasure of a sound mind at the peak of intense ecstasy and failed to appreciate it. I have also experienced the horrors of a lost soul marinating in the depths of irrational, senseless pain and have forgotten its significance. In these memories I am but a viewer from the present, distant and detached, at times utterly dull, others half-listening. I stare and stare, but I don't know what it means. I don't know who that is. I don't recognize him fully-- only as an acquaintance whose mannerisms seem quaint and, if anything, serve to embarrass, slightly.

It has been suggested to me that I ought to take the position of thinking that in each present moment, I am reborn. I'm considering it.

I have seen the sidewalk pulsate, pavement rise from the earth as its adjacent counterparts recede inward. I have seen the sky turn virbrant, braided colors and take on a different appearance entirely, an indescribable quality, and I've felt the streaming tears of pure joy run down my cheeks as my body shuddered with spontaneous pleasure, and it has passed, and it is now just a memory.

I am from one moment to the next a has-been, seeking redemption or at the very least, freedom from the crushing boredom of the whateverness of the mundanity of the unstimulating, of the less-than-alright, of the un-yummy. But things will assuredly be yummy once more. I'll be reborn into them, in the midst of their gooey froth, only to be reborn out of it into another car ride or doctor's office, pining for the sensations linked to the images I've carefully retained. In the meantime, the lonely nostalgia of all my good-timin' erodes my soul.

I am, in things, perhaps less than in my dreams
I am, in fact, barely kept in tact-- 
By desire, by my brain
By these things I can't explain
Or couldn't until I figured out their meaning
Now that I have, I'd like to think
I am redeemed.

Revisions

"You aren't what I expected," she remarked slyly, as she sat there, smoldering. He stood in the doorway, silently, staring.

"You aren't what I expected," she said offhandedly, as she sat there in a pile of her own smoldering feces. He stood there in the doorway, gyrating, gently.

"You aren't what I expected," she exclaimed wide-eyed, as she sat cross-legged, utterly flaming. He stood in the doorway, rapidly fluttering his eyelids.

"You aren't what I expected," she said with her face, as she sat there trying to stand. He sat in the doorway, rapidly sitting in the doorway.

"You aren't what I expect," she said facing him as she stood there, trying to sit. He and the doorway, in an instant, were simultaneously one.

"You aren't, what?" her face cried. She sat there, sitting. He stood there, grinning.

"You aren't," cried her face. He grinned.

Morning Prayer

"Everything's a big joke except for me and what I want"
Desires conflict with preconceived contraceptive methods
And yet, we be giving birth almost constantly
Reaching back or through perhaps
Never quite being fully 'there' or here for that matter
Take time to reflect, merely project
Precocious little ego
Precious little flaws
Special little problems

*Pause*

It's not so bad/It's not that great
It won't be this way forever/It won't stay this way forever
It will get better eventually/It won't last

Give Death a Little Credit, Please

Return to the earth
On the brown side of the grass
While working on the perfect smile
This too shall pass

You don't want it unless you can have it
But you've had it
At times, hated it
At others, lusted after sensations
For the most part, however, it was more or less an alternating binary of confusion and boredom
Regardless, the memory of joy simply doesn't compare
To the reality of sorrow
The memory of pain is simply that, a memory
And the sensation of a loosening grip
Is only acutely displeasing if one is afraid of the consequences of letting go
So let go

If you were to fall from the third floor of a building
The only way to save yourself from certain death
Would be to relax yourself completely
Any tenseness whatsoever would spell your doom
Knowing this, in that instant you would have a choice, albeit a difficult one
You could save yourself if you could find a way to let go of your precious fear
The safety of sadness and self-pity couldn't save you
The choice would be up to you, in a split second
The choice would be yours

To pass your weapon to the left
Kick the barn door closed
Forever, until whenever
Or transcend whatever
It would be possible
Techincally, probable (to a slight degree)

Truth is, no one really knows what they would do unless they are put in a situation like that
But when we do, it will be real
One day we all will face ourselves--our minds, our maker
Everything we've set aside for later; everything we could have done better, could have put more effort into but wouldn't be troubled with at the time
It will all come eventually, and that too shall pass

This, I'm sure of
What it will sound like, smell like, feel like, mean, seem, or lead to, that I have no idea
But it will be real
And that's really all anyone has ever wanted
And that's really all that really matters

PRONE TO STANK

PRONE TO STANK
a poem.

if i had one wish
id wish for more wishes
then take out a loan
and patronize a mortician
to exercise my stank body of a bonerless corpse, of course
and my breath stinks
and i can't breathe
and i can't seem
to get a handle on all these bad dreams and things

don't just do something, stand there
and seem to be something
seemingly, i couldn't even imagine
behaving in such a fashion
dreadful, really
to postpone ones inevitable downfall
i mean brownfall
crowned balls wear the hairy crown
that smell like the last pair of balls that wore it
a diamond-encrusted spire got caught in the sack
and tore it

'bring me back to life', he said
'i can't. i've never done anything like this before.'
'it's easy, just live my life for me. breathe with my lungs, walk with my legs. finish my story, it's yours now.'
'i just can't', she pretended to sob. 'i just don't want to.'
he frowned. i mean he browned. heavy are the balls that wear the crown.

pizza, bring me back to life

pizza, bring me back to life
as i hang me in my quiet place
my happy space, where i am warm and tired
and i truly haven't a fuck to give

melting into sofas
it doesnt matter what color
or who paid for them

glistening, when i close my eyes
it doesnt make a difference what i really look like

i wish you could be more supportive
but i feel like this is something most people go through
i feel like i feel this way more and more often these days
i feel like my parents and teachers would say that this is a good thing

i'm not so sure

Car Commercial Music and Young Bro's Bio

This is a nice song from a car commercial.



Not sure if I want to choose between a teal or beige GMC Terrain or eat a fistful on dirt while spinning in circles with my underwear around my ankles. Just kidding, those weren't real thoughts. Just contemplating the nuanced relationship between art and advertising in the information age or something.

...

This week's Spotlight Artist of the Year and winner of the GMC Terrain Lifetime Achievement Award, fellow MYSPACE artist 'Young Bro'. He plays shows in parks and overcomes life's obstacles.

http://www.myspace.com/abcyoungbro

>>Young Bro's BIO(taken from his myspace)
"Young Bro" was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. He was the middle child of 6 siblings, 2 giving up for adoption and 1 from a different mother. Growing up in the streets of Oak Cliff, life was a struggle for him and his family. It's very common for young males in the streets of Oak Cliff to become victims of the streets. Drugs and violet crimes were a day to day thing. With his dad being in and out of jail, and his mother forced to be a single mother, Young Bro was determined to do what he had to do to better his life.

Growing up he wanted to play basketball. He would go down to the park almost every day and write rhymes on the side. He soon began to grow a passion for writing lyrics. At the age of 12 he started to write lyrics to instrumentals and made at least one song each night.

He then realized that this was what he was meant to do. He later told His brother (Texuz Boy) and his two cousins (J Cash & Young Flow) about it, and the four decided to start a group they named ABC Act Badd Click, a name given to them from when they where growing up. They soon changed the name to ABC All Bout Cash. This was only the beginning for Young Bro

With the help of J Gonzo, All Bout Cash recorded a song called, "Down Here". The song was Performed at the 2006 Latin Energy Fest in Fair Park. The group had their first big gig. Performing in front of a large crowd. Their performance was a success. People all over Dallas started recognizing their music, and things seemed as if they were only going to progress from there.

In August 2006 Young Bro and his girlfriend, Ellie became parents at a very young age, with his daughter born 23 weeks premature, he found himself facing some harsh realities of life. Fighting for the life of his daughter, he became a devoted father on his grind for his family. He is very proud to say his daughter is now three and very healthy.

The Group ABC added two new members cousin (Lil Moe) and close friend (Trigga Rick). People began to notice their music more and weekend began to get booked with performances. Life for ABC became busy if not in the studio they were out in a gig. Although every thing seemed as if it were going good the group slowly began going their separate ways and Young Bro became a solo artist destined to soon make his own mark in the world of music.

Young Bro has just finish his Mix-Tape, “Ride Solo, Die Solo” and it will be for sell soon. The Mix-Tape has a little bit of everything. It also included a lot of his life experience in his music. He not only writes his own music, He produces it also. So If you are interested in buying his Mix-Tape or booking him for a up coming show you can reach him at YUNGBRO214@YAHOO.COM or

Throughout all the struggles and hard time Young Bro has learn never to give up. When one door closes another one will open. He says, “Its has all been worth it, and has made me the strong person I am today”.

sup dog (foreveR)

believe in yourself and shoot for the stars
you're great
you are as cool as your coolest thoughts/feelings
on whatever subject comes to mind
i feel like you probably think about way cooler things than I do

the first time I saw you, I said to myself
"He/she is so hot and majorly cool. (S)he'd never want to talk to me."
And you didn't, because you're that cool
I had to bribe you with treats
(via crackers and snacks)
and then we became friends
now we run an orphanage for foster parents
it's a big waste of time, but i feel pretty good about it

Sup dog, forever

You're my #1. See you in heaven (not hell)

*****************************************************************

father figures

in the wet, wild thicket of thickness
a bald skull gleams
and she sheds a tear
buries her life inside his yellow crust
and a mistake is made
in vain

'this is what makes me different:
I ain't like them other girls
I'm fun, outgoing, I like to party..."
i aint no farmer's daughter, i'm a brand name bitch

hark
evil lurks
krah
skrul live
backmasking is the devil's last refuge
lil' bitch
the ultimate foil

'i see the beast in all my father figures
i seek his warm, hot blood
his cool, smooth way
his steadfast gaze'
the girl's got to have it

a sharp crash, a clean break
cold shudders multiply
shards spread, all erections within a 30 mile radius abruptly cease
tiny pieces 'go out' in precisely different directions, all the time
in their own way, the only way it could be

she flinches/he winces. it's over.
a void emerges, soon to be filled
and removed, perpetually

she is pure
she is a dignified vessel
a beacon of virtue
a light seen from the sea on a dark gray night

she is too human
typically fickle to a fault
a dirty rotten poop of a bitch
that stinks to high heaven

voices interject:
they suggest we project
she's just a girl
nothing more
nothing less

morning prayer

In a cabin
in the woods
in the hills
taking pills

with a long
wooden cane
poking holes
making stains

standing up
sitting down
staring straight
looking round

at the walls
of this room
in the midst
of ein tomb

feelings are just feelers, feeling out a niche
don't give in, there's nothing in it for you
don't give in, there's nothing in it for you

catharsis is a well cultivated myth
there's no direct advantage to screaming at the top of your lungs
there's no direct advantage to screaming at the top of your lungs

acting on emotions is a lifestyle that has been handed down to you from pop culture
no one has to see you do anything to make it worth while
no one has to see you do anything to make it worth while

these people aren't your friends, they're good-time vultures
have some dignity and control yourself
have some dignity and control yourself
control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself
yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourself

no more troubled romantics antics

i went to a summer camp once
lets say i was ten
the counselor told us that anything was possible
we just had to believe it for ourselves
and try real hard
he asked us what we really wanted to do
a kid raised his hand
he told us that he wanted to fly
like, not with a plane
with his body
(there was some confusion over this)
a space jam era white child fantasy

the camp counselor told him this was impossible
he was met with indignant cries
'but you said'
'i know what i said, but'

maybe he should have just encouraged him
either way, would have been interesting

instead, we learned about the natives that once roamed these great lands
their proud, noble ways
they used every part of the buffalo
before the white man brought the funk

i went to a high school named after one of these types
hes not with us anymore
but im sure hes proud of us all

Only be cool from now on
Only do cool things
Never tell anyone about this
Uncool

cool excuses/phat regrets

a twinge of lament
in a moment of weakness
a deliberate circumvention of morals/goals/standards
and a decidedly ill-advised last minute change of heart

an afternoon spent
wasting away in sweet,
warm pink placenta

atrophy ensues
serious bloating
and a loss of will

the automatic process of private logic
intellectualizes away all responsibility
and the pain that follows seems uncalled for

but hey
beats workin'

Biweekly existential crisis to go

if you give a shit
then you're dead meat
a rat dicked chump
in a thick tough stink
in an old black hole
in a sad man's ass
a doodle in an 8th grade math class

nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
computers
nostalgia

menopause on the rocks

Aging gracefully
Trying not to make a scene
Standing sternly
Taciturnly, a "hand-on-hip bitch"
Half-listening, eyeing the scotch
Wishing it was chocolate

Peering around the ballroom
Like some sort of middle-aged Siamese cat
Vacant squints, a slowly-rotating neck
Scoping the others with an implied disapproval
Shooting dirty looks from behind the tinted windows of my SUV (read:big, hard, black body)

Tight faces
Arched eyebrows
Cold glances
Hot flashes

Chillin
2nite
4eva

legs on the lake

beginning to blur
was real, could feel
"our trip to the beach"
we ate sandwiches, sure
don't remember much else

tighter one grips
faster it slips
inevitably fades...

and i'll have to accept
that the past is gone
and the future's not here yet

meditationzzz

So many Cool board tricks
Ollies, kickflips
Can't keep track...

An awkward gathering of constipated souls
At gently accelerating pleasure intervals
Dungeon overdosing
Like it's no big deal ... then whatever

Old Florida money mother fucker
You computer fraud
"A place to meet consenting adults online"
Getting hard, getting soft
Speeding up, slowing down

...

"Coffee House" reverb preset
Not sure if that's a real 'thing' or not...

High-heel fox-trot
All over my back
All over my face
All over the place
in and out of my space(/"myspace"/myspace)

Quarterback blood samples
A potential cure for bellyachin'

Girl surfers
basically, forever

the old timers called it 'cabin fever'

i am calm!
im perfectly calm!
im perfectly perfect
having previously perfected the art
of perpetrating perfection
perfectly in all directions

you think you know me steve?
you dont know shit
you wouldnt know shit if you tasted it
you wouldnt know love
if it hit you on the back of the neck
and slid down the small of your back
into your sweats

i want to hold you so close
i want to put my love of you into everything
i do
i want a lot of things all at once sometimes
and sometimes
it just doesnt
seem like
the right thing
to do

these waves,
can you hear them?
can you smell these smells and feel them?

ive only got a few more minutes left,
relatively speaking
and relatively speaking
its all relative

you know?
you dont?
or you do?
you do or you dont?

you are something
but not something else
thats a special label that i reserve
for someone else
but relatively speaking, you are
so here we are
back at the start

i wonder whats on tv...

Totally Haunting

The older you get
and the colder you grow
you're likely to find that
the most reliable companion
is a sturdy sense of no-nonsense bookishness
A stern demeanor
and an underwater grave
of impractical desires cased in cement

A third eye made of Plexiglas
and a wooden soul
An inner child with no friends except its own parents (?)
Haunted by imaginary ghosts
The real kind
That real kids
Are really afraid of

For real

I just want to swim
I heard it said once
Just want to stare at the sun
and eat grease
And fuck myself
until I am one with the universe and all things

Something about fractal patterns...
and then they trailed off

I've been told it doesn't work that way
But I've been told a lot of things
I'm not sure what I believe

uncanny fuzz

you wont last forever
neither will i
still
love your fuzz
thats what i like

my memory cant hold your shape
it fades in and slowly goes
in purplish gold
leaves a faint impression
via muted colors
on the backs of my eyelids

you may lust after the past, and many do
in that present moment, they wish
for that one particular sublime
instant in time
and yet, its an inherent contradiction

the present smothers the lovelorn
those dreaming of what has happened
or longing for what may

they gasp
sucking in air, like a dying fish
on a dock they didn't build
and can't possibly accept in the few brief moments
they're lying in the blinding light of a new world
they weren't made to take

and I feel it, and at that moment know it to be true
that one cannot remember except for in the present
the past is gone
memories just that
not actual events, but the remainders of the muted colors
that once danced in the backs of eyelids

even still, i ache
for just a piece of that afternoon
right now
to lie in the sheets
the kind sunlight
shining

what do i want?
just feelings
the warm kind, all the time

squirrel power

if squirrels could talk
they wouldnt

at least not to us

come on summer

i hear something
i bristle
i squint

i am a grumpy bitch

been uninterrupted
in this perpetual daze
of sleeping in
of senselessly gratifying sensitive compulsions

have become quite invested in
guarding these soft spots
didnt remember what they felt like
until i felt them again

dont like...

been afraid
for all these years

just need to concentrate

cuddle fortress

If my ultimate goal is to grow, to self-improve
to Benjamin Franklinamatize™ my human being
i'm going to need a pair of telescopic lenses

because my eyes simply won't do

they're fine for a man
but have you seen men lately?
no thank you
i've got bigger plans
i don't have time to worry about when things close
or where things are
or any of these things

i'm going to need an iron-clad breast plate
so i don't get shot
cause people are jealous

i'm going to need a lot of really cool friends
so they can get me into the places i want to be
maybe ill check myspace

i'm going to need to be able to sit still
and dedicate large amounts of time to doing things I don't want to do
cause shits gotta get done, yo

i'm going to need to get really, really, patient
and learn to smile and nod
cause people are going to give me a hard time, some of the time

i'm going to have to learn to not get scared
even when things are scary
i dont know about you, but things get pretty scary for me sometimes

i'm going to need a place to live
so im going to need money
and clothes to wear, and something to drink
and music
and pizza once in a while, and maybe some videogames or picture frames or a car

i'm going to need a lot of things
and i think everything i need
will be easier to get
if i just

stay calm

and

breathe

and

think

and

smile

and ..........................................

I'll figure it out

Rowdy-go-Bloodlust

I want fur
Nobody elses, my own

The difference between what I thought I wanted
and what actually took place
It began with a tiny itch
A hairline tickle fracture pleading to be scratched
To be dissolved in relentless, unconditional pressure
Simply to be released in a spasm of self-indulgent body rubbing

I'll be that guy. I don't care.

In perpetual motion, I writhe
Squirm and flagellate
Forever, in a lukewarm void
Of clean feeling grass
The kind that squirrels like
The kind they've always liked

I have an inkling that a certain kindness
Has arrived
That simple recognition isn't enough
You have to move

To gain a certain satisfaction

One must transcend all of this
Hip hop sign language
It can't be penetrated or risen above
There's a trick to it
Ask your mom
If she doesn't know what you're talking about
Just start by sitting still

What kind of a freak-a-body adapts to such a constipated state
Where the concept of everlasting life sounds like a good idea?
There is no money in sleep
You can't drive an S.U.V. and shoot your neighbors dirty looks while you rest
Dreams manifest themselves
You can't choose your nightmares
I just wish I had more

Taking all this time for myself
makes me feel gray as all get out

No one's all that excited about watching me spin in circles
Used to draw quite a crowd in middle school

Maybe it's time to lose my hard-earned sense of wasting away
I haven't even been keeping tabs on my offhand thoughts and remarks
Perhaps I should organize them
But I'd have to buy a filing cabinet first
And that's a whole 'nother ball of wax, as my grandfather would say

He was a wax salesman, and not a very good one at that
Kept getting distracted
Never had enough time
And once he did
Killed it

So, basically, I used to be these kidz