elucidation, eluded

what a stupid thing
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face

faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont

i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but

hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else

and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that


soothe, saying

a mirror appears, in which all projections are appropriately redirected to the sourceyou can't have this divorce
the one you really want

Maybe--once we accept that life is painful, we may transcend the difficulty
It is simply no longer relevant

Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom
Indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom

It is largely because of pain that we grow mentally and spiritually?
       The tendency to avoid pain and conflict is the basis for all mental illness

Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering

Death; and the Re-Birth of such an idea

Heaven is my Jazz / Redeemer, Please forgive me
I've made so many Weird Mistakes / It hardly seems in keeping

With the kind of stuff / I used to fluff
The way I used to wobble / I never even knew

The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew

The way you dance
I never knew

crum bumpular, stacks

it couldnt have been avoided
its the kind of thing that couldnt have been avoided

girl, you know
nothing ever works

dont forget how good our skin looked
never the sort of thing youd actually say
but still

im not worried about Those Other Guys
im not in the least bit concerned about whats going on down the street after dark

you cant just go around doing things you know youll be ashamed of later
ask me later and ill know why
right now, i dont know why

cover your ears. those big mitts oughta do
youve got some sort of job to do, just try and remember what it is
everyone does all these things
all the things there are to do, we all do them with varying degrees of whatever you like
you could take solace in that, if you wanted

for the record, ive never been addicted to anything
except everything, all at once all at the same time
in a big crescendo of Pretend
its never going to be like that again, but so what who cares whats the big idea
"ill never be young again ill never be young" nevermind

so how do i stay so slim?
i dont desire, i dont crave
i dont open my eyes or hear the news or smell the papers or the flowers or the paper flowers
i just sit here and i just wait for something, just something, and its always just worked out pretty well so i just dont see what the problem is......................