elucidation, eluded

what a stupid thing
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face

faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont

i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but

hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else

and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that
......