keep leaving, again
always returning, expanding
cake batter taste, like its bad for you--i know
raw eggs, salmonella. ill touch a lizard anyway
i dont care about feeling bad
its easy to miss things, to long for people, but thats not the point
that sense of emptiness, of loss, its some Thing trying to communicate with you
a little probe, reminding you to find something
but that something isnt necessarily, no its probably not at all what you think you miss
what kind of guilt do you avoid the most? start there
that's the 'x'
its easy to be afraid of yourself and its easy to make a sweetheart's deal with your ego and just avoid the pain of any given thing.
its easy to atrophy and its easy to die.
but i dont want to die. i want to live and now i know how. i want to thrive and grow and sprout these Amazing Physical Wings, and i want to just Be and try so hard. And i want to be everything i used to dream i wanted to be this very instant and each consecutive instant, moment after ever crucial moment, being mindful of this thing i have and to which i belong.
to pursue a certain sense of calm rage, an inextinguishable Passion--one i can control or choose not to. a light that never goes out, a tiny tornado i keep in my closet and let out when its been on its best behavior
im not my body and i dont want to be. ive a got a soul God dammit and ive never been this real.