Quickly, to the escape pod my young apprentice!

Quickly, to the escape pod my young apprentice!
Let’s verb these nouns like a simile
Girlfriend, he says, I need some
Cardiopulmonary resuscitation
The professor tells the whippersnapper that hugs
Are only recommended
As an effective method for removing
An object blocking the windpipe
At least that’s what dad always said
...but he's just some guy anyways

We now find ourselves a small Vietnamese restaurant;
Husband number one says
This puncture wound
Will manifest as lockjaw soon
Interesting, replies wife number one
Buuuttt I already saw that on Dateline
She begins to recite
In the case in which a remedy is needed
To counteract the swallowed poison
That grows inside a given womb
Middle America just aborts it
Cuts a fat rail
And snorts it
If I may interject, he interjects
That’s all I had to say
I’d tell you how I’m feeling
But feelings are gay

But I still don’t feel like I’ve learned anything!
The young scientist cries, his nouns verbing metaphorically
as he is shuffled along toward to escape pod door
Son, the professor adverbed
This interjection is for direct pronouns
And that pronoun just may save your life one day
So show a little adjective
And seal the door shut once you’re inside
There’s a lot of hardcore shit going on out there
And I just don’t think you’re ready to be
Exposed to it