deification is defecation

i don't need heroesi dont need to be led and i don't need to use the term
'genius'

and he was right. it was the truth.
whose truth?
the truth
there is such a thing, and it can be realized

"the life not lived in not worth living" - some guy

he was right. and that's the truth. but what he meant is often misconstrued.
living isn't wringing every ounce of physical and emotional sensation out of the circumstances you find yourself in 'because every moment could be your last'
it's something else

"realizing that 'everything is bullshit' is not true enlightenment but if it helps you in deciding what you are going to do to be the change you seek, it's a good start." - another guy (not a hero or genius)

saved

faux-misogynistic musings vol. 1

that jinkety jankass

junkyard skankass

was skankening

for a prude

awankening



hankering

for a stank spankening

cantankering

and bankening

on a frank prison yard

shankening


im fine im fine im fine just fine


i shiver like a milkshake
quivering in my boots
my socks are wet
my feet are cold
my brain is in cahoots
with some loser's inner demons
the ghosts that hurt the most
the kind that make you want to cry
tears made out of goats

rad pacifier stains


dear dentist,

i think i am
(i might be)
dissolving
(is this how that feels?)
and its (occasionally) overwhelming
(what's overwhelming?
..oh. nothing, really.)

dearest patient,

after a thorough analysis
my worst suspicion has been confirmed
you are drowning in brown
you really should take better care of yourself
for your mothers sake at the very least

dear dentist,

i regret to inform you that i will be leaving town
(for a while)
ive never had the stomach for
this sort of thing
my body is a third wheel
that my brain has been drunk behind
far too many times

this vessel is my own personal
physical manifestation
of an ungrateful stepchild
and i am afraid it has left me no choice
but to take it out behind the proverbial tool shed
and beat it to within an inch of its proverbial life

as the old proverb says
it cannot be stated with any degree of certainty
that i will come back in one piece
but if i do not i can assure you
those will be the pieces
that mattered most

dearest patient,

i am not familiar with this subject matter
but its a big world out there
i can tell you that i have found from my own experience that
things can be quite sticky
but sticky things are often sweet
sometimes the stickiness is the material used to pave roads
my point is
youve got to do what youve got to do
send me a postcard, wont you?
i am a very busy man

toodles

dear dentist,

i am not the kind of person
who can easily smile when their heart is breaking
or can give a wink and a nod
when their hands are shaking
but who knows
maybe i am
and maybe
i can

i had a dream
that i vanished
and in that moment i was absolved
of that fact that i had achieved the completely unique feat
of being absolutely unloved by anyone
and in turn, having loved pretty much everyone
(so f-ing hard)

im sure there is some significance behind this
but i am also a very busy man
the pizza hut lunch buffet ends in two hours
and jeopardy comes on at 3:30

good luck with your boys
from what i hear they are excellent basketball players
and your wife
hot damn
those moves were cold
you are the reason
america looks so good

dearest patient,

you leave my wife out of this
tonight, the gloves come off
im going to clean up your act

in conclusion and in summary,
although we agree upon the indisputable fact that
ronald reagan was our greatest president
i must ask you to please
never write me (or my family) again

we are but simple folk
who live off the land
we have been fortunate enough to benefit from
the milk and honey of the mouths of human kindness
and have done you no visible harm
your scars are emotional
and my hands are so clean

leave us in peace
in the name of jesus christ we pray
oh man

dear dentist,

your cowardice is a betrayal of the human spirit
i will not be attending any of the your sons
future basketball games
and your wifes gallery exhibition?
forget about it
you blew it hot shot
you had the queen over for dinner
and you shit in her cereal

goodbye forever
your once and future girlfriend,
jamal

*********************************************************************
Review Questions:

What was the name of the dentist's wife?

What color was the lip gloss Jamal gingerly applied while composing his final letter?

Quantify this poem is a numerical statement?

If this poem were a race, who would win? What color would their skin be?

Extra Credit:

Rewrite this poem in your own words. Your own word is 'haug' and must compose 75% of the final composition.

zebra stripes, down the pipes

when I wake
and the sheets are damp with
liquid shame
(the good kind or the bad)
I'm reminded of what Dr. Martin Luther King
Junior once said
I just can't remember it
at the moment
It probably wasn't very
important


a poem called ’no one reads these things’ - a clarification for those who are reading it
iggum criggums
ill never be good at anything
thats worth anything

shnam bazzups
this chronic pain will get worse and worse
my hairline will recede into the sea

snerp cruzzums
when i was eleven years old, i figured out that life is a dumb joke
told by an idiot
the trick is not to try not to care

smile while your heart is breaking
that sort of thing

crollop trazzbot
shnuffle tanjendo
i mean transjendo

fuck



untitled

The newest tunes zap the boons and zoons

Goons zoom through tiny toons into my freshly clean wombed

That fetus was doomed. boom




The Time Has Passed
For Smoking Grass
And Wasting Time with Feelings
Emotions are for Losers
And Cuddling is for Demons
The Specter of Reality
Haunts Your Homely Fixins
Shopping is for 'Corporate Ghosts'
But Whining is for Victims


untitled #2

pulsating violence penetrates

your brain

like a thick skull fuck in the butt



the orgasmic dolphin


the orgasmic dolphin rides again

swifter than the sword or pen

he speaks no words

just fun with girls

and all his dolphin friends

some dudes id

whether my desperate theatrics amuse you or not is beside the point
i am undistinguished and it's tearing me apart inside

accolade me, someone, please
i dare not dream of a world in which i am underappreciated

bestow upon me thine highest honors
emeritize my ass
i've got what it takes
if you're so smart, why don't you know that already

what i'm saying is, the trick to getting older is realizing you're not special
and thriving in this newfound state of obscure mediocrity
but here's the thing
i am totally special
and i deserve all the nice things

so gimme gimme gimme
forever

more advice

it's ok to enjoy being miserable, it's a form of 'enlightened self-interest'
just make sure you take breaks and drink plenty of water
and don't tell anyone. ever.

advice

The universe is indifferent. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell something. Don't be deceived. Take pills if you feel the need, sleep as much as you can. Don't let well-bred people with strong presences and firm handshakes get you down. Live an active inner-life. Don't feel as if you need to 'express yourself', that's a dead-end (you'll have to trust me on that one). As you age, consider adopting a protein-rich diet. Other people are overrated. Trust your intuition when it tells you that you are the only person that truly matters, but you don't matter all that much. Apathy will save your soul when nothing else can. Apathy will protect you from the those vicious little feelings that flail around and cause you pain when you don't have an outlet for useless emotions. Try to be as cool as you can. It's the only way to go.

paternity suite

was that your dad out on the lawn last night, wailing in tongues
castrating the family dog
tantalizing the family lawn mower
or was it mine?

Dads are: one and the same
"my father is your father"
as yours is mine (this is a lesson i learned in school)
from boyfriendless women
and fatherless shrews

you know, i must take this opportunity to say that i have always admired your mother
i feel that since you and i have both come of age we can talk about these things
she has always struck me as a proud trophy of a horse
a stern peak of dignity in a sterile container
beauty in a 3 bedroom/2 bath
a matriarch for the ages

i'll admit, i've snuck a whiff or two
i hope it doesn't shock you terribly
you see, she enchants me quite thoroughly
that dame, she's alright
i'd like to take her to a fine italian restaurant, perhaps a few towns over, for some eggplant parmesan and a reasonable merlot
your dad is not invited, F.Y.I.
he just wouldn't get it

San Fernando Valley, CA.
Tuesday, 11:22 P.M.

our girl, she's a true party favor
a sassy diva, a confident and outgoing modern woman
slightly sophisticated, with ideas of her own

'go on, get wet' someone told her once, in so many words
be true 2 yourself
but also, don't forget to b yourself
re-evaluate your status
almost constantly, check for errors
folk wisdom suggests most wise folks adhere to such standards
folksiness will get you everywhere in your later years, she assumed

her night had not gone as expected. tore up from the floor up, a wasted crust of a stump, her mouth ached with the salty burns. she tasted for a flavor. (there were none currently available.) 'well, shit', she exclaimed. then she remembered something, a promise she had made to herself long ago--

live your life to the fullest
live every moment like it were your last
'cause it just might be

having not the slightest notion of how to maximize her pleasure capacity at each and every present instant, she resigned herself to alcoholism.

potential opportunities

You see that junk over there
it's all junk
you don't want it
true desire is aroused by this fine specimen
with several distinct odors and flavors
make you so happy
(partially made of gold*)
Don't underestimate that kind of privilege.
you could be one of the people that actually matter

I was once like you. Then I found it. Now I'm like me. That speaks volumes about your potential.

In things, I am

In things I am, and am not, because I lack and desire and feel the kind of urges I couldn't fully explain until recently. In time I was, and wasn't, because either I couldn't remember what my place was in it or wasn't doing anything particularly remarkable and may as well not have been anyplace at all.

In time, I am, and have always been, even if I was relatively insignificant. But I was here, and still am and I still remember some of the smallest details with the complete lucidity of someone who was totally interested. I could speak of instances in waiting rooms as a kid or inconsequential car rides with the utmost precision, yet couldn't recall the majority of my most joyful moments, or the seeming profundity of my most miserable hours.

In time, such acute sensations have faded. I too have faded, only to be rejuvenated (perhaps too strong a word), undeniably changed. I have experienced the pleasure of a sound mind at the peak of intense ecstasy and failed to appreciate it. I have also experienced the horrors of a lost soul marinating in the depths of irrational, senseless pain and have forgotten its significance. In these memories I am but a viewer from the present, distant and detached, at times utterly dull, others half-listening. I stare and stare, but I don't know what it means. I don't know who that is. I don't recognize him fully-- only as an acquaintance whose mannerisms seem quaint and, if anything, serve to embarrass, slightly.

It has been suggested to me that I ought to take the position of thinking that in each present moment, I am reborn. I'm considering it.

I have seen the sidewalk pulsate, pavement rise from the earth as its adjacent counterparts recede inward. I have seen the sky turn virbrant, braided colors and take on a different appearance entirely, an indescribable quality, and I've felt the streaming tears of pure joy run down my cheeks as my body shuddered with spontaneous pleasure, and it has passed, and it is now just a memory.

I am from one moment to the next a has-been, seeking redemption or at the very least, freedom from the crushing boredom of the whateverness of the mundanity of the unstimulating, of the less-than-alright, of the un-yummy. But things will assuredly be yummy once more. I'll be reborn into them, in the midst of their gooey froth, only to be reborn out of it into another car ride or doctor's office, pining for the sensations linked to the images I've carefully retained. In the meantime, the lonely nostalgia of all my good-timin' erodes my soul.

I am, in things, perhaps less than in my dreams
I am, in fact, barely kept in tact-- 
By desire, by my brain
By these things I can't explain
Or couldn't until I figured out their meaning
Now that I have, I'd like to think
I am redeemed.

Revisions

"You aren't what I expected," she remarked slyly, as she sat there, smoldering. He stood in the doorway, silently, staring.

"You aren't what I expected," she said offhandedly, as she sat there in a pile of her own smoldering feces. He stood there in the doorway, gyrating, gently.

"You aren't what I expected," she exclaimed wide-eyed, as she sat cross-legged, utterly flaming. He stood in the doorway, rapidly fluttering his eyelids.

"You aren't what I expected," she said with her face, as she sat there trying to stand. He sat in the doorway, rapidly sitting in the doorway.

"You aren't what I expect," she said facing him as she stood there, trying to sit. He and the doorway, in an instant, were simultaneously one.

"You aren't, what?" her face cried. She sat there, sitting. He stood there, grinning.

"You aren't," cried her face. He grinned.