Can you imagine
ive always been myself
Is it any wonder
its always the same, but different
10.28.2011
am i vibrating?
ive swam before
ive stood underneath the sun and roared
and ive sworn id never give up again
but i was young
and didnt understand
that as you age, things just keep getting taken from you
and taken
until theres nothing left
ive stood underneath the sun and roared
and ive sworn id never give up again
but i was young
and didnt understand
that as you age, things just keep getting taken from you
and taken
until theres nothing left
9.25.2011
Access Your Soul
and melt this shitty world
Join me in the realm of the Real
Detach via unselfishness
It's so clean here, can you imagine
I'm not my body and neither are you and thats why I love you so much.
Who could love a body? What a way to go. Lusting after abdomens and thoraxes. You goon. There's so much more to spoon.
Disengage from your appetite and fast
and melt this shitty world
Join me in the realm of the Real
Detach via unselfishness
It's so clean here, can you imagine
I'm not my body and neither are you and thats why I love you so much.
Who could love a body? What a way to go. Lusting after abdomens and thoraxes. You goon. There's so much more to spoon.
Disengage from your appetite and fast
18/f/ca
keep leaving, again
And again
always returning, expanding
cake batter taste, like its bad for you--i know
raw eggs, salmonella. ill touch a lizard anyway
i dont care about feeling bad
its easy to miss things, to long for people, but thats not the point
that sense of emptiness, of loss, its some Thing trying to communicate with you
a little probe, reminding you to find something
but that something isnt necessarily, no its probably not at all what you think you miss
what kind of guilt do you avoid the most? start there
that's the 'x'
its easy to be afraid of yourself and its easy to make a sweetheart's deal with your ego and just avoid the pain of any given thing.
its easy to atrophy and its easy to die.
but i dont want to die. i want to live and now i know how. i want to thrive and grow and sprout these Amazing Physical Wings, and i want to just Be and try so hard. And i want to be everything i used to dream i wanted to be this very instant and each consecutive instant, moment after ever crucial moment, being mindful of this thing i have and to which i belong.
to pursue a certain sense of calm rage, an inextinguishable Passion--one i can control or choose not to. a light that never goes out, a tiny tornado i keep in my closet and let out when its been on its best behavior
im not my body and i dont want to be. ive a got a soul God dammit and ive never been this real.
And again
And again
always returning, expanding
cake batter taste, like its bad for you--i know
raw eggs, salmonella. ill touch a lizard anyway
i dont care about feeling bad
its easy to miss things, to long for people, but thats not the point
that sense of emptiness, of loss, its some Thing trying to communicate with you
a little probe, reminding you to find something
but that something isnt necessarily, no its probably not at all what you think you miss
what kind of guilt do you avoid the most? start there
that's the 'x'
its easy to be afraid of yourself and its easy to make a sweetheart's deal with your ego and just avoid the pain of any given thing.
its easy to atrophy and its easy to die.
but i dont want to die. i want to live and now i know how. i want to thrive and grow and sprout these Amazing Physical Wings, and i want to just Be and try so hard. And i want to be everything i used to dream i wanted to be this very instant and each consecutive instant, moment after ever crucial moment, being mindful of this thing i have and to which i belong.
to pursue a certain sense of calm rage, an inextinguishable Passion--one i can control or choose not to. a light that never goes out, a tiny tornado i keep in my closet and let out when its been on its best behavior
im not my body and i dont want to be. ive a got a soul God dammit and ive never been this real.
And again
9.13.2011
8.20.2011
elucidation, eluded
what a stupid thing
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face
faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont
i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but
hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else
and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that
......
to like a person's face
to like a person because of a face
to like a person because of their face
faces are not in short supply
pick up a newspaper
or better yet, dont
i only ever wanted you to be good
i only ever wanted for us to be clean and tidy
and leave this space exactly the way it was when we found it
but we browned it
it used to be green and blue, with hints of reds and yellows and purplish hues
now its brown. im not saying thats a bad thing, but
hell is where the heart is, it just keeps getting fresher
im a slave, i know
but this is a fresh, new kind of slavery
the one i chose
the kind i made for myself with my own two hands
and theres a certain kind of satisfaction that comes from building something with your bare hands
and thats the kind of satisfaction i have
as i sit back and just Stew in these awful juices, marinating in the collective expunged gloopity glop of this overripe nonsense, the full blown stench of the cumulative result of all these bad decisions and habits brought on by laziness i didnt have enough energy to overcome, sadness i was too depressed to do away with, boredom i was too apathetic to resist, and selfishness i couldnt avoid because i simply couldnt see that there was anything else
and then theres you
but youre not here
and then theres the memory of you
and thats that
......
8.19.2011
soothe, saying
a mirror appears, in which all projections are appropriately redirected to the sourceyou can't have this divorce
the one you really want
Maybe--once we accept that life is painful, we may transcend the difficulty
It is simply no longer relevant
Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom
Indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom
It is largely because of pain that we grow mentally and spiritually?
The tendency to avoid pain and conflict is the basis for all mental illness
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering
the one you really want
Maybe--once we accept that life is painful, we may transcend the difficulty
It is simply no longer relevant
Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom
Indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom
It is largely because of pain that we grow mentally and spiritually?
The tendency to avoid pain and conflict is the basis for all mental illness
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering
Death; and the Re-Birth of such an idea
Heaven is my Jazz / Redeemer, Please forgive me
I've made so many Weird Mistakes / It hardly seems in keeping
With the kind of stuff / I used to fluff
The way I used to wobble / I never even knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
I've made so many Weird Mistakes / It hardly seems in keeping
With the kind of stuff / I used to fluff
The way I used to wobble / I never even knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
The way you dance
I never knew
crum bumpular, stacks
it couldnt have been avoided
its the kind of thing that couldnt have been avoided
girl, you know
nothing ever works
dont forget how good our skin looked
never the sort of thing youd actually say
but still
im not worried about Those Other Guys
im not in the least bit concerned about whats going on down the street after dark
you cant just go around doing things you know youll be ashamed of later
ask me later and ill know why
right now, i dont know why
cover your ears. those big mitts oughta do
youve got some sort of job to do, just try and remember what it is
everyone does all these things
all the things there are to do, we all do them with varying degrees of whatever you like
you could take solace in that, if you wanted
for the record, ive never been addicted to anything
except everything, all at once all at the same time
in a big crescendo of Pretend
its never going to be like that again, but so what who cares whats the big idea
"ill never be young again ill never be young" nevermind
so how do i stay so slim?
i dont desire, i dont crave
i dont open my eyes or hear the news or smell the papers or the flowers or the paper flowers
i just sit here and i just wait for something, just something, and its always just worked out pretty well so i just dont see what the problem is......................
its the kind of thing that couldnt have been avoided
girl, you know
nothing ever works
dont forget how good our skin looked
never the sort of thing youd actually say
but still
im not worried about Those Other Guys
im not in the least bit concerned about whats going on down the street after dark
you cant just go around doing things you know youll be ashamed of later
ask me later and ill know why
right now, i dont know why
cover your ears. those big mitts oughta do
youve got some sort of job to do, just try and remember what it is
everyone does all these things
all the things there are to do, we all do them with varying degrees of whatever you like
you could take solace in that, if you wanted
for the record, ive never been addicted to anything
except everything, all at once all at the same time
in a big crescendo of Pretend
its never going to be like that again, but so what who cares whats the big idea
"ill never be young again ill never be young" nevermind
so how do i stay so slim?
i dont desire, i dont crave
i dont open my eyes or hear the news or smell the papers or the flowers or the paper flowers
i just sit here and i just wait for something, just something, and its always just worked out pretty well so i just dont see what the problem is......................
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