Picture me

fading

one day at a time one day at a time one day at a time

what happens when you dont want to

what happens when you dont want to

this degree of depression

is not a sustainable business model

my mental going out of business sale

picture something that makes you smile

the implication being that you are forced to smile

you dont have to smile if you dont want to

you dont have to do anything if you dont want to

you can curl up in a ball on the street and die

if you want to

thats the kind of thing we pay taxes to have the freedom to do

a rhyming poem:

conceited meat
concedes defeat
whatever it sees it wants
to eat
to fry and mash and tear to shreds
or smash to smithereens instead
while pushing aside a subtle dread
that this tortured flesh is tasteless

a fitting end for the mute that trot
divide the spoils before they rot
ingest the flesh right on the spot
cant see no reason not to
(even if we didn't, we'd still want to)
- Oprah

a series of clenches/releases
an anthology of commonplace mistakes being made for no reason in particular
another organism taking up space in style
learning to love yourself in the worst of all possible worlds

truth and the pain inherent
where im from, there is no such thing
in my foxhole there are no flashing lights
no car horns, no moving images on screens, no sales pitches
only fur covered bodies huddled together for warmth

half truths and considerate lies
where i go at night, we spend our evenings in silence
concerning ourselves mostly with ritual groomings, conserving energy
temporarily afforded the luxury of stillness
a warm moist musk hangs thick in the air

im not sure if i actually have any friends
but in my den
we lick each others wounds
all the while no words pass our lips
our bond is eternal
we poop in the corner, no plumbing necessary

one day, i will get hit by a car
or die of cancer
but ive seen my brothers and sisters ripped to pieces
one day i will be too
and im pretty much fine with that

i uploaded a photo of myself and
several of my friends commented on how beautiful i am
"b a b e"
"so cute"
"gorgeous!!"

and i felt fulfilled
i went through the rest of my day feeling satisfied

why not?

  More Globules by Spooky Cheddar

i dont want a body
i want a soul
dont give me reason
give me control

and then theres regret
always regret...

and longing

and lonliness and


you didnt have to kill art, or feminism, or love or any other idea you idealize and hold dear and think is important, that makes living consciously not a pointless exercise in exposure to needlessly dull pain and suffocating boredom

they did it to you
and by they i mean us
and by us i mean you

everytime you watch a commercial, you die a thousand deaths and live to die again
your american dream is the worlds nightmare.

truth be told, however, no one wants anything to do with anything that even resembles the truth
truth is, things dont have to work out. there doesnt have to be a god. you dont have to fall in love. and if there is and you did, it doesnt have to bear any significance. these are *facts*. this is the truth. seems like the kind of thing reasonable people would choose to avoid at all cost. the kind of thing those reasonable people would falsely identify as pessimism. but if you have to think what you dont like is bad and what is bad is inherently evil and untrue to keep yourself together, so be it. its as good a way through as any.

so you settle. so what. theres nothing wrong with that.

considering your spirit has been mashed into mush, beaten into submission by a powerful system whose only goal is to convert you into an insatiable consuming machine, to dissassociate you from your true self, to teach you that the only feelings worth recognizing are desire and dissatisfaction with not having what you want at any given moment.

but theres a way out.
i hope.
i trust that there is in spite of the reality that there doesnt *have* to be.

"Reason only compounds our suffering by allowing us to realize that biology's agenda is not something we would have chosen had we been given a choice, but it is ultimately helpless to prevent us from serving it or to free us from the sting of its goad." - Wikipedia

deification is defecation

i don't need heroesi dont need to be led and i don't need to use the term
'genius'

and he was right. it was the truth.
whose truth?
the truth
there is such a thing, and it can be realized

"the life not lived in not worth living" - some guy

he was right. and that's the truth. but what he meant is often misconstrued.
living isn't wringing every ounce of physical and emotional sensation out of the circumstances you find yourself in 'because every moment could be your last'
it's something else

"realizing that 'everything is bullshit' is not true enlightenment but if it helps you in deciding what you are going to do to be the change you seek, it's a good start." - another guy (not a hero or genius)

saved

faux-misogynistic musings vol. 1

that jinkety jankass

junkyard skankass

was skankening

for a prude

awankening



hankering

for a stank spankening

cantankering

and bankening

on a frank prison yard

shankening


im fine im fine im fine just fine


i shiver like a milkshake
quivering in my boots
my socks are wet
my feet are cold
my brain is in cahoots
with some loser's inner demons
the ghosts that hurt the most
the kind that make you want to cry
tears made out of goats

rad pacifier stains


dear dentist,

i think i am
(i might be)
dissolving
(is this how that feels?)
and its (occasionally) overwhelming
(what's overwhelming?
..oh. nothing, really.)

dearest patient,

after a thorough analysis
my worst suspicion has been confirmed
you are drowning in brown
you really should take better care of yourself
for your mothers sake at the very least

dear dentist,

i regret to inform you that i will be leaving town
(for a while)
ive never had the stomach for
this sort of thing
my body is a third wheel
that my brain has been drunk behind
far too many times

this vessel is my own personal
physical manifestation
of an ungrateful stepchild
and i am afraid it has left me no choice
but to take it out behind the proverbial tool shed
and beat it to within an inch of its proverbial life

as the old proverb says
it cannot be stated with any degree of certainty
that i will come back in one piece
but if i do not i can assure you
those will be the pieces
that mattered most

dearest patient,

i am not familiar with this subject matter
but its a big world out there
i can tell you that i have found from my own experience that
things can be quite sticky
but sticky things are often sweet
sometimes the stickiness is the material used to pave roads
my point is
youve got to do what youve got to do
send me a postcard, wont you?
i am a very busy man

toodles

dear dentist,

i am not the kind of person
who can easily smile when their heart is breaking
or can give a wink and a nod
when their hands are shaking
but who knows
maybe i am
and maybe
i can

i had a dream
that i vanished
and in that moment i was absolved
of that fact that i had achieved the completely unique feat
of being absolutely unloved by anyone
and in turn, having loved pretty much everyone
(so f-ing hard)

im sure there is some significance behind this
but i am also a very busy man
the pizza hut lunch buffet ends in two hours
and jeopardy comes on at 3:30

good luck with your boys
from what i hear they are excellent basketball players
and your wife
hot damn
those moves were cold
you are the reason
america looks so good

dearest patient,

you leave my wife out of this
tonight, the gloves come off
im going to clean up your act

in conclusion and in summary,
although we agree upon the indisputable fact that
ronald reagan was our greatest president
i must ask you to please
never write me (or my family) again

we are but simple folk
who live off the land
we have been fortunate enough to benefit from
the milk and honey of the mouths of human kindness
and have done you no visible harm
your scars are emotional
and my hands are so clean

leave us in peace
in the name of jesus christ we pray
oh man

dear dentist,

your cowardice is a betrayal of the human spirit
i will not be attending any of the your sons
future basketball games
and your wifes gallery exhibition?
forget about it
you blew it hot shot
you had the queen over for dinner
and you shit in her cereal

goodbye forever
your once and future girlfriend,
jamal

*********************************************************************
Review Questions:

What was the name of the dentist's wife?

What color was the lip gloss Jamal gingerly applied while composing his final letter?

Quantify this poem is a numerical statement?

If this poem were a race, who would win? What color would their skin be?

Extra Credit:

Rewrite this poem in your own words. Your own word is 'haug' and must compose 75% of the final composition.

zebra stripes, down the pipes

when I wake
and the sheets are damp with
liquid shame
(the good kind or the bad)
I'm reminded of what Dr. Martin Luther King
Junior once said
I just can't remember it
at the moment
It probably wasn't very
important


a poem called ’no one reads these things’ - a clarification for those who are reading it
iggum criggums
ill never be good at anything
thats worth anything

shnam bazzups
this chronic pain will get worse and worse
my hairline will recede into the sea

snerp cruzzums
when i was eleven years old, i figured out that life is a dumb joke
told by an idiot
the trick is not to try not to care

smile while your heart is breaking
that sort of thing

crollop trazzbot
shnuffle tanjendo
i mean transjendo

fuck



untitled

The newest tunes zap the boons and zoons

Goons zoom through tiny toons into my freshly clean wombed

That fetus was doomed. boom




The Time Has Passed
For Smoking Grass
And Wasting Time with Feelings
Emotions are for Losers
And Cuddling is for Demons
The Specter of Reality
Haunts Your Homely Fixins
Shopping is for 'Corporate Ghosts'
But Whining is for Victims


untitled #2

pulsating violence penetrates

your brain

like a thick skull fuck in the butt



the orgasmic dolphin


the orgasmic dolphin rides again

swifter than the sword or pen

he speaks no words

just fun with girls

and all his dolphin friends

some dudes id

whether my desperate theatrics amuse you or not is beside the point
i am undistinguished and it's tearing me apart inside

accolade me, someone, please
i dare not dream of a world in which i am underappreciated

bestow upon me thine highest honors
emeritize my ass
i've got what it takes
if you're so smart, why don't you know that already

what i'm saying is, the trick to getting older is realizing you're not special
and thriving in this newfound state of obscure mediocrity
but here's the thing
i am totally special
and i deserve all the nice things

so gimme gimme gimme
forever

more advice

it's ok to enjoy being miserable, it's a form of 'enlightened self-interest'
just make sure you take breaks and drink plenty of water
and don't tell anyone. ever.