morning prayer

In a cabin
in the woods
in the hills
taking pills

with a long
wooden cane
poking holes
making stains

standing up
sitting down
staring straight
looking round

at the walls
of this room
in the midst
of ein tomb

feelings are just feelers, feeling out a niche
don't give in, there's nothing in it for you
don't give in, there's nothing in it for you

catharsis is a well cultivated myth
there's no direct advantage to screaming at the top of your lungs
there's no direct advantage to screaming at the top of your lungs

acting on emotions is a lifestyle that has been handed down to you from pop culture
no one has to see you do anything to make it worth while
no one has to see you do anything to make it worth while

these people aren't your friends, they're good-time vultures
have some dignity and control yourself
have some dignity and control yourself
control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself control yourself
yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourselfyourself

no more troubled romantics antics

i went to a summer camp once
lets say i was ten
the counselor told us that anything was possible
we just had to believe it for ourselves
and try real hard
he asked us what we really wanted to do
a kid raised his hand
he told us that he wanted to fly
like, not with a plane
with his body
(there was some confusion over this)
a space jam era white child fantasy

the camp counselor told him this was impossible
he was met with indignant cries
'but you said'
'i know what i said, but'

maybe he should have just encouraged him
either way, would have been interesting

instead, we learned about the natives that once roamed these great lands
their proud, noble ways
they used every part of the buffalo
before the white man brought the funk

i went to a high school named after one of these types
hes not with us anymore
but im sure hes proud of us all

Only be cool from now on
Only do cool things
Never tell anyone about this
Uncool

cool excuses/phat regrets

a twinge of lament
in a moment of weakness
a deliberate circumvention of morals/goals/standards
and a decidedly ill-advised last minute change of heart

an afternoon spent
wasting away in sweet,
warm pink placenta

atrophy ensues
serious bloating
and a loss of will

the automatic process of private logic
intellectualizes away all responsibility
and the pain that follows seems uncalled for

but hey
beats workin'

Biweekly existential crisis to go

if you give a shit
then you're dead meat
a rat dicked chump
in a thick tough stink
in an old black hole
in a sad man's ass
a doodle in an 8th grade math class

nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
nostalgia
computers
nostalgia

menopause on the rocks

Aging gracefully
Trying not to make a scene
Standing sternly
Taciturnly, a "hand-on-hip bitch"
Half-listening, eyeing the scotch
Wishing it was chocolate

Peering around the ballroom
Like some sort of middle-aged Siamese cat
Vacant squints, a slowly-rotating neck
Scoping the others with an implied disapproval
Shooting dirty looks from behind the tinted windows of my SUV (read:big, hard, black body)

Tight faces
Arched eyebrows
Cold glances
Hot flashes

Chillin
2nite
4eva

legs on the lake

beginning to blur
was real, could feel
"our trip to the beach"
we ate sandwiches, sure
don't remember much else

tighter one grips
faster it slips
inevitably fades...

and i'll have to accept
that the past is gone
and the future's not here yet

meditationzzz

So many Cool board tricks
Ollies, kickflips
Can't keep track...

An awkward gathering of constipated souls
At gently accelerating pleasure intervals
Dungeon overdosing
Like it's no big deal ... then whatever

Old Florida money mother fucker
You computer fraud
"A place to meet consenting adults online"
Getting hard, getting soft
Speeding up, slowing down

...

"Coffee House" reverb preset
Not sure if that's a real 'thing' or not...

High-heel fox-trot
All over my back
All over my face
All over the place
in and out of my space(/"myspace"/myspace)

Quarterback blood samples
A potential cure for bellyachin'

Girl surfers
basically, forever

the old timers called it 'cabin fever'

i am calm!
im perfectly calm!
im perfectly perfect
having previously perfected the art
of perpetrating perfection
perfectly in all directions

you think you know me steve?
you dont know shit
you wouldnt know shit if you tasted it
you wouldnt know love
if it hit you on the back of the neck
and slid down the small of your back
into your sweats

i want to hold you so close
i want to put my love of you into everything
i do
i want a lot of things all at once sometimes
and sometimes
it just doesnt
seem like
the right thing
to do

these waves,
can you hear them?
can you smell these smells and feel them?

ive only got a few more minutes left,
relatively speaking
and relatively speaking
its all relative

you know?
you dont?
or you do?
you do or you dont?

you are something
but not something else
thats a special label that i reserve
for someone else
but relatively speaking, you are
so here we are
back at the start

i wonder whats on tv...

Totally Haunting

The older you get
and the colder you grow
you're likely to find that
the most reliable companion
is a sturdy sense of no-nonsense bookishness
A stern demeanor
and an underwater grave
of impractical desires cased in cement

A third eye made of Plexiglas
and a wooden soul
An inner child with no friends except its own parents (?)
Haunted by imaginary ghosts
The real kind
That real kids
Are really afraid of

For real

I just want to swim
I heard it said once
Just want to stare at the sun
and eat grease
And fuck myself
until I am one with the universe and all things

Something about fractal patterns...
and then they trailed off

I've been told it doesn't work that way
But I've been told a lot of things
I'm not sure what I believe