uncanny fuzz

you wont last forever
neither will i
still
love your fuzz
thats what i like

my memory cant hold your shape
it fades in and slowly goes
in purplish gold
leaves a faint impression
via muted colors
on the backs of my eyelids

you may lust after the past, and many do
in that present moment, they wish
for that one particular sublime
instant in time
and yet, its an inherent contradiction

the present smothers the lovelorn
those dreaming of what has happened
or longing for what may

they gasp
sucking in air, like a dying fish
on a dock they didn't build
and can't possibly accept in the few brief moments
they're lying in the blinding light of a new world
they weren't made to take

and I feel it, and at that moment know it to be true
that one cannot remember except for in the present
the past is gone
memories just that
not actual events, but the remainders of the muted colors
that once danced in the backs of eyelids

even still, i ache
for just a piece of that afternoon
right now
to lie in the sheets
the kind sunlight
shining

what do i want?
just feelings
the warm kind, all the time

squirrel power

if squirrels could talk
they wouldnt

at least not to us

come on summer

i hear something
i bristle
i squint

i am a grumpy bitch

been uninterrupted
in this perpetual daze
of sleeping in
of senselessly gratifying sensitive compulsions

have become quite invested in
guarding these soft spots
didnt remember what they felt like
until i felt them again

dont like...

been afraid
for all these years

just need to concentrate

cuddle fortress

If my ultimate goal is to grow, to self-improve
to Benjamin Franklinamatize™ my human being
i'm going to need a pair of telescopic lenses

because my eyes simply won't do

they're fine for a man
but have you seen men lately?
no thank you
i've got bigger plans
i don't have time to worry about when things close
or where things are
or any of these things

i'm going to need an iron-clad breast plate
so i don't get shot
cause people are jealous

i'm going to need a lot of really cool friends
so they can get me into the places i want to be
maybe ill check myspace

i'm going to need to be able to sit still
and dedicate large amounts of time to doing things I don't want to do
cause shits gotta get done, yo

i'm going to need to get really, really, patient
and learn to smile and nod
cause people are going to give me a hard time, some of the time

i'm going to have to learn to not get scared
even when things are scary
i dont know about you, but things get pretty scary for me sometimes

i'm going to need a place to live
so im going to need money
and clothes to wear, and something to drink
and music
and pizza once in a while, and maybe some videogames or picture frames or a car

i'm going to need a lot of things
and i think everything i need
will be easier to get
if i just

stay calm

and

breathe

and

think

and

smile

and ..........................................

I'll figure it out

Rowdy-go-Bloodlust

I want fur
Nobody elses, my own

The difference between what I thought I wanted
and what actually took place
It began with a tiny itch
A hairline tickle fracture pleading to be scratched
To be dissolved in relentless, unconditional pressure
Simply to be released in a spasm of self-indulgent body rubbing

I'll be that guy. I don't care.

In perpetual motion, I writhe
Squirm and flagellate
Forever, in a lukewarm void
Of clean feeling grass
The kind that squirrels like
The kind they've always liked

I have an inkling that a certain kindness
Has arrived
That simple recognition isn't enough
You have to move

To gain a certain satisfaction

One must transcend all of this
Hip hop sign language
It can't be penetrated or risen above
There's a trick to it
Ask your mom
If she doesn't know what you're talking about
Just start by sitting still

What kind of a freak-a-body adapts to such a constipated state
Where the concept of everlasting life sounds like a good idea?
There is no money in sleep
You can't drive an S.U.V. and shoot your neighbors dirty looks while you rest
Dreams manifest themselves
You can't choose your nightmares
I just wish I had more

Taking all this time for myself
makes me feel gray as all get out

No one's all that excited about watching me spin in circles
Used to draw quite a crowd in middle school

Maybe it's time to lose my hard-earned sense of wasting away
I haven't even been keeping tabs on my offhand thoughts and remarks
Perhaps I should organize them
But I'd have to buy a filing cabinet first
And that's a whole 'nother ball of wax, as my grandfather would say

He was a wax salesman, and not a very good one at that
Kept getting distracted
Never had enough time
And once he did
Killed it

So, basically, I used to be these kidz